Today’s story comes to you at the request of one of its main characters; our roommate Frank. So sit back, grab a big bowl of popcorn (NOT an avocado!), and maybe even a beer. I know I needed one at the time…
The year was 2019, the month December. Christmas was growing ever closer each day, and with it my excitement at the prospect of joining my family on the 7-8 hour trip to the little town in Mississippi where my grandparents resided. One of my favorite types of trips are those that end up at their house, where I can unwind, relax, and bask in all things family; truly recharging from day to day life. Little did I know, my dream would be slashed.
About a week, maybe a little less, before the scheduled departure date, I woke up with a sore throat. Not just your run of the mill sore throat, the kind that was excruciating when you tried to swallow something as simple as water. Naturally, I confined myself to my bed. Unfortunately for me, I was home alone and still had to tend to my loving fur babies. Thankfully they were well behaved and took to napping on the bed with me all day easily and quickly, which honestly is not out of the norm for them anyway! I woke up the next day with a splitting headache and a fever of 100F, so I called off of work as it was a Monday. I started to wonder if this was Strep Throat and with that thought came the sorrow and realization; I would not be going to Mississippi. Most of the following days became very hazy for me and overlap as I was in and out of fever induced sleep while binging who knows what on Netflix. I do recall though that the next 5 days were spent sweating out a 102F fever, sore throat, stuffy and runny nose, splitting headaches, and attack after attack of Vertigo.
For those of you unfamiliar with Vertigo, I’ll direct your memory back to your childhood visits to a theme park. Remember those tea cup rides, in which you would gleefully spin round and round without a care in the word while your parents stood on the sidelines holding back the nausea from just watching you? Or perhaps you were one of those children who enjoyed staring at the sky while you spun around in place, falling over while giggling as the rest of the world did not stop spinning with you? That spinning feeling, unforgiving, non stop, and unwanted is what Vertigo feels like. The simplest shift of your eyes can send the room into motion, making you feel as if you are drunk without ever letting alcohol pass your lips. When it comes to Vertigo, the feeling is not as much fun as it was as a child on the tea cup ride or spinning while merrily staring at the sky. I would need to see a doctor but I certainly didn’t feel safe going alone, so I tried to wait for Garrett to come home (I had assured him I would be fine and he could just finish up his job despite his insistence that he could turn around and come take care of me, all I had to do was say the word).
At some point during those 5 miserable days, combined with my growing concern at what I actually had, the addition of another much scarier symptom of immense difficulty breathing, and my mom’s and Garrett’s pushing, I managed to find a lull between Vertigo attacks and drove to the doctor. They administered the Flu and Strep Throat tests, then left me a handful of prescriptions that would take some time to fill and no legitimate diagnosis other than “some type of virus” that had “progressed to Pneumonia”. Today, I am fairly certain I was one of the cursed batch of people who contract COVID-19 prior to COVID-19 being a known thing in the United States. I had been in constant contact with my mom throughout this process and she kindly offered to pick up the medication at the pharmacy near them and bring it to me with all of our Christmas presents in tow. So back to home and the safety of my bed I went.
My parents arrived later with a care package filled to brim with Gatorade, teas, soups, and well wishes, all paired with stockings for me, Garrett, and Frank, and neatly wrapped presents. They came into the house wearing masks and staying away from me (ironically something we’d all be doing in just a matter of months constantly for years to come…), dropping everything in the middle of the living room and departing with air hugs and blown kisses. And with their departure went any hope of seeing my grandparents for another year.
At some point after this visit, Garrett came home and immediately took to the tending role, bringing me various drinks (water, Gatorade, tea) and soups, and taking care of the dogs’ needs. I slowly recovered from the illness, but man it was awful. Thank goodness I already had 1.5 weeks scheduled off for work for that trip to Mississippi, otherwise I would have been calling off daily during that time frame. It legitimately took me 2 weeks to beat it, and that doesn’t include the months it took to deal with the side effects of the medications they prescribed post recovery.
What’s the point of all of this information that hasn’t yet mentioned the main character, Frank, you ask? I want you to fully understand the mindset I was in. After a horrific illness and several restless nights, despite the hours of “sleep,” I was finally on the mend. I could actually get out of bed without dizziness threatening to knock me over. I could breathe again and life was on its way back to its sparkly self! So I decided I would take a nice, long, relaxing bubble bath, complete with my Kindle and candles. No more than 5 minutes into my soothing moment of bliss, however, I hear a knock on the door. “Uh, Chelsea…Sorry to disturb you but um…Do we have a first aid kit?” Surely my ears were deceiving me. I mean, I had been sick with a 102F fever for 5 straight days and was having issues breathing recently, perhaps my brain and ears had suffered from decreased Oxygen? Sadly, that wasn’t the case. Oh, did I mention…It was now, officially Christmas Day.
Apparently, during those blissful 5 minutes, our roommate had succumbed to his craving for homemade guacamole. What he hadn’t succumbed to, however, was pitting his avocado appropriately and safely. He had decided that he was going to use the end of the knife and pry the pit out rather than taking the knife to the pit much like you would an ax to wood, or, heaven forbid, using a spoon to scoop it out. This decision thus led to the knife gracefully slashing through his finger. The ironic part of this scenario? He was the one that gifted me the offending knife the year prior, picking that one specifically because of how sharp and nice it was. Guess he can attest to its sharpness now…Needless to say, I had to abandon my bubble bath of solace to play doctor and head off to the ER. On Christmas Day.
Upon arriving at the ER, I turned to Frank and consoled him gently. “If I get sick again from being in this ER, that cut in your finger will be the least of your worries!” Hm…Maybe I was just consoling myself…Po-tate-toe, po-tat-toe. We all exchanged a few jokes back and forth while we waited to be called back. Finally, a nurse called us back and proceeded to go through the usual questions:
“Do you have any allergies?”
“Um…cats.”
“…Okay…so none.”
Wonderful, more ammo for jokes! Hey, if I had to sit in an illness infested ER on Christmas Day after recovering from what felt like death, I deserve to never let him live it down! Let me have this…We told him that he would probably have to have his finger amputated since he couldn’t recall if he had gotten a Tetanus shot. Sure, maybe it sounds like we were giving him a really hard time, but he definitely was a good sport! He even made himself the butt of his own jokes too. And the nurse came to his aid.
“Oh, don’t worry. We do amputations every day. You’re in good hands.”
We moved on to another room and Frank got a few stitches. Unfortunately for all of us, I was not permitted to record his squirming… Needless to say, we have not, and will not, let him live it down. Avocado pitters have now become our gift of choice for every holiday to come! But it’s all in good fun. I mean, he was the one that requested I write about the entire event after all!
Much love to you, Frank! And thank you for being a good sport with a great sense of humor 🙂
